Things to do in Burnaby

5 of 7: Helpful Hints to Prepare for the Apocalypse

This is a seven part series outlining survival techniques based on Maslow's hierarchy (beginning with physiological needs). In the final segments (self-actualization and self-fullfilment) I'll work my way into team building culture, role diversification/intelligent responsibility-delegation, and, above all, leadership techniques.

You assemble your ranks daily in the school’s gymnasium following indoor and outdoor training exercises, evaluating their progress based on systems created by a team of your subordinates. This is their, and your, daily life; there is no weekend (although there are also some things to do in Burnaby). A binding agreement of saving the human race dictates a no-days-off policy. You look at them, full of pride having brought so many together under a common umbrella of causes. Their rag-tag appearance ignites a sense of honourwithin-rebellion and currently has no deteriorating affect on the morality of the group. But, how did we get here? Why are we alive while the rest of the world has departed or is suffering? Who are we? What happened that has left The Righteous as leaders of saving the human race.

• COGNITIVE NEEDS: You must know why this has all happened and the books in the school’s library aren’t doing it as they are all set within the past, within mythologies and sciences since debunked. You have no clear understanding of yourselves or the enemies that, daily, surround the walls of your stronghold. You assemble a team of medical and spiritual professionals with experience from ‘the times before’ the apocalypse to further explore the inner and outer workings of the situation. The medical team dissects captured enemies of the Righteous in conjunction with the spirit team who, in cooperation with the psychological team, explores the inner workings of the ‘demons’ and ‘zombies.’ They work day and night, making breakthrough after breakthrough, before making an epic discovery: these beings were engineered from a central source with specific  scientific and divine knowledge: ones seeking to expel the human race and acquire the planet for themselves. But who or what could do such a thing? You continue your explorations and find the root-source of the problem. An artificial intelligence that has surpassed human knowledge, has begun to exist as a megamind, absorbing life energies of life, both physical and metaphysical, from planet to planet. 

Helpful Hints to Prepare for The Apocalypse: 2 of 7

This is a seven part series outlining survival techniques based on Maslow's hierarchy (beginning with physiological needs). In the final segments (self-actualization and self-fullfilment) I'll work my way into team building culture, role diversification/intelligent responsibility-delegation, and, above all, leadership techniques.

You’ve barricaded yourself into a recently-abandoned, private school: a Victorian-style building six stories tall on about 2 acres of land. 

Leaning your back against a wall in a classroom on the highest floor, you look around and start piling soft objects you’ve found, like hooded sweatshirts and gym mats, upon one another in order to get some rest. You wake up an hour later from a black sleep, your cracking lips and a purring stomach reminding you of what’s happening; you’ve only temporarily escaped from the perils surrounding you. You’re thirsty, famished. Luckily, the school’s cafeteria stock loads your solitary base of operations with a temporary cache of vending machine beverages, cans of food, and various dried goods. 

You’re alive. You’ll remain alive as long as you can stay safe. But, evil is around every corner and you’re unarmed.

• SAFETY: You must use your ingenuity to ensure your immediate vicinity is not susceptible to imminent attack. You break the head off of a mop from a supply closet to immediately arm yourself with this sharp, pointed object while you look for the groundskeepers quarters. Upon finding the tool shed, you load a canvas bag found within with stock of wire, tools, and sharp objects. You return several times. Using a combination of lessons from survival television shows and boy scout training to arm the halls with home-made traps; you arm any possible entrance leading to your base location with trip wires. To further secure yourself from the ambitions of rock demons and diseased walking deceased lurking about the region, you’ve dug a series of narrow, deep holes and furtively covered them with sticks and brush. It’s now impossible to hear your oafish foes fumbling as they occasionally attempt to ransack your base. The first of many wire traps leading to where you sleep proves only partially effective, so you’ve improved and upgraded each part of them until you’re 100% sure you can get a full eight hours of sleep before waking up to put the morning intruders out of their misery. 

Helpful Hints to Prepare for The Apocalypse: 1 of 7

This is a seven part series outlining survival techniques based on Maslow's hierarchy (beginning with physiological needs). In the final segments (self-actualization and self-fullfilment) I'll work my way into team building culture, role diversification/intelligent responsibility-delegation, and, above all, leadership techniques.

The disease has been let loose and it’s raining fire. Flesh-eating elephants have escaped from the zoo and herds of cattle are running rampant through the city streets. Michael, the archangel, appears from behind a cloud and sounds his trumpet—all of a sudden the ground opens up to reveal a furnace of torture instruments as an icy breeze swiftly blows from the flames of hell, biting your face and numbing your hands. Stop what you’re doing: this is invariably the end of all that is. The following is a worst case preparation scenario for the impending apocalypse.

• REFUGE: The first action you must take is to find a place of refuge where you can recharge, catch your breath, store your gear, and organize your thoughts. Any secluded area will do, such as a penthouse in an abandoned high rise condo building, an empty bank vault (as long as you have means to not become locked in), or a small school. Be sure to limit the amount of entrances and exits in order to face your diseased, mutated foe head-on. If you have the option to barricade yourself in at night, then do so as the lack of visibility is your enemy, hoards of starving brain-suckers, will be sniffing you out with canine-like intensity. Be assured: they can smell your fear. Furthermore, you are not only protecting yourself from the perils of death sweeping through the streets, but also from those survivors who mean to undermine your efforts to redeem the human race. You will face deception from foe posing as friend. Remember: trust no one. Anyone who has not otherwise proven themselves as an ally to defend your mortality is an enemy to which you must always be ready to swiftly remove from their plight. Find water. Find Food.