Zombie Taxonomy: A Guide to the Undead

Madge Bellamy, the first zombie of cinema (United Artists, 1932)

There was a time when there was just one type of zombie: the kind raised from the dead by a voodoo doctor. Though it’s easy to forget these days, witchcraft is indeed the origin of the zombies we know and love today—virus-infected, fast-running things that they are.

Recognizing your zombie can all get a bit confusing, seeing as how the species has really fleshed out in the last few decades. Below is a guide to classifying your zombie—highly important for choosing your weapon and plan of escape.

Origins

Raised from the Dead: Zombies seemed to have to evolved away from this, but they still pop up from time to time. Look for suspicious-looking altars, emptied cemeteries, and religious apocalypses. See: White Zombie (1932), George A. Romero’s Dead series, Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993).

Infection: Whether created in a lab or carried by a monkey, viruses that make people want to eat other people are rampant. Evidence includes strange children randomly appearing in your bedroom and waking in an abandoned hospital. See: 28 Days Later (2002), Dawn of the Dead (2004), The Walking Dead (2010–).

Speed

The speed a zombie has is usually directly related to its origins. Raised from the dead? You’ve likely got a slow one on your hands. See: Night of the Living Dead (1968), Michael Jackson’s Thriller video (1982), Shaun of the Dead (2004). Overtaken by a rage-inducing virus? This zombie is probably super fast. See Resident Evil (2002), [Rec] (2007), World War Z (2013).

Remember, there are exceptions to this rule. See: The Evil Dead (1981), where witchcraft still makes for some pretty agile zombies.

Brains

Semi-aware: This is the most important zombie factor to identify quickly, because if there’s a bit of the person still left in there, you might be able to convince them not to bite you—at least momentarily. See: Day of the Dead (1985), Hocus Pocus (1993), Life After Beth (2014).

Blank slate: Unfortunately, most zombies don’t remember anything of who they were—including the very first voodoo zombies and the more modern virusy ones. Alas, it’d be best to place your bets on this type and just start severing brain stems. See: 98% of zombie films.

What kind of zombies lurk around Krakit’s Vancouverescape room? You’ll have to come and find out for yourself.